Like Opium and Your heart....

copying Aine.
the fact that I am feline is quite accurate!

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"Nice doggy."

hahahahahahaaa!!!!!

this time next week I will be on the road to Ballylinan going to the Day of Darkness festival.I am looking forward to this more than I can say.Myself and my partner in beer and silliness Dave Moon are going to see 2 days of Irish death metal whilst inhaling vast quantites of LAGER!!!This is one of those times when a holiday is more essential than anything else.I really need to go and listen to music that I do NOT have to record and be very VERY drunk whilst doing it.This makes me deeply happy.
Also a couple of the bands I've recorded for are playing at it and it'll be kind of cool to see them on a big stage.Gonna bring a bunch of Christorgy cds and stickers with me to throw at drunkards and give to people with spiky logo'd t shirts that I cant read.HA!!!
AHHHHH the summer begins!
I know because I woke early and craved 70s Alice Cooper. "...no more Mr Nice Guyyyy!!!!!..."
Watching the Unbelievables DVD pissing myself laughing.
Good Man Pj...
John smiles today.
Hope you are all smiling too.
xx

yup,they are SO cute.
one in particular (looks exactly like mommy)has started following me everywhere,and sits on my foot purring ickle kitten purrs (squeeeeee!!!!!)
this is bad.very bad.I SWORE I wouldnt get attatched to any of these ones but nonono,its happening.
went up to see Dylan Moran last night,thought my head would explode with the laughter.Not quite as good as monster but hysterical all the same.A heckler at the end got competely destroyed in a truly evil way.WONDERFUL.
Drive up and down long and stressful - its getting worse,my hatred of driving.
I should really walk places more,I need to lose a good 2 stone.
however.
love and many hugs to you all.
xx
oh yeah when I got more fotos of the babies,I shall put em up there.

You scored as Charles Manson. Well, Roman Polanski is not your biggest fan, and you probably don't like his movies. Many admirers of the female form would hate you for the rest of eternity based on Sharon Tate alone. But then, murder is justified after a musical career that should have made you famous goes nowhere and you are left living in the desert with a collection of hallucinogens, braindead hippies, and cerebral visions of global warfare. </td> Charles Manson 92% Hugh Hefner 83% Dante Alighieri 83% Friedrich Nietzsche 75% Stephen Hawking 58% Miyamoto Musashi 58% Elvis Presley 50% Jesus Christ 50% C.G. Jung 50% Steven Morrissey 42% O.J. Simpson 33% Sigmund Freud 25% Adolf Hitler 17% Mother Teresa 8% What Pseudo Historical Figure Best Suits You? created with QuizFarm.com

well theres a fucking suprise......

good day today,all day cleaning house and listening to bad hip hop.the live room is quite surreal as you can see the floor and there are no half full beer cans on the windowsill!!!
also took loads of crap of the wall in the kitchen and cleaned all in sight.mixed new xfractured tune and scary good it is too.cant wait to gig this,its the only reason that I havent quit playing altogether.reading rotten by john lydon - nice to read how the pistols story really went.
think the next couple of days chilling out will do me the power of good.
going to bed now,hope you are all having happy days.
nite all.
xx

OK so heres the story.
Today has been a landmark for me.It seems to me that the only way to avoid a full blown breakdown is to stop what I'm doing and take a step back.Musicians are a funny lot,sometimes I wish all of them were dead sometimes I love every minute and everyone involved,so before I take action on the former,I am taking a break.Y'see,my house is a fucking mess,half my equipment is wrecked,my head is FUCKED and I cant sleep thru worrying about letting people down.Therefore,I need to drop the nice guy thing and get a little more hardnosed about all of this.I refuse to have my love of music destroyed by a shower of thoughtless musicians,so therefore.....NO MORE MR NICE GUY!!!!!
Tomorrow,I am cleaning the live room,it will take ALL FUCKING DAY.when thats done,the new rules come into effect.
Taking charge of these types of situation is so not me,but I'm going to try.Its got to beat all this weepy confused john shit.I'm 32 years old and should not be bursting into tears at things I can normally cope with.
wish me luck.
hope you are all smiling
have a smile for me cos I cant just now.
xxx

Your Monster Profile

Creepy Fiend You Feast On: Beer You Lurk Around In: Olive Gardens You Especially Like to Torment: Hippies

This is so true,so true....
another thing that is true is that I am becoming obsessed with these things.
Fear.

My LiveJournal Sitcom
Visiting Scarycatman (LIFETIME, 2:30): Scarycatman (Goldie Hawn)'s new friend alienates god_of_biscuits (Elijah Wood). At the same time, ___boobum_x (Sean Hayes) makes fun of darkelfqueen (Shirley MacLaine) for enjoying Scientology. Wackiness ensues.
What's Your LiveJournal Sitcom? (by rfreebern)

hmmmm....
I dont want to be played by goldie hawn.
Thats a fact jack,Bikkiegod played by elijah wood????MissBoooo by sean Hayes????Tessthescarydareyelf by Shirley McLaine????(shirley manson possibly...) its all friggin nonsense!!!!!!
I could be played by Johnny Vegas tho....we are almost the same shape,but hes funnier than me.
these things are silly.

just home from nice n sleezy gig (via the pub for post show beer and slaggin matches)
those boys are on the upupupupup!!!!
It was a fookin nightmare as I managed to blow half the PA up somehow.Rescued all tho with my superior powers of desperation.
however sleezy were all that as always,they remind me of being the first person in enniskillen to own Appetite for Destruction.I'm proud of the sleezys,they have grown into an awesome live band who are a joy to work with and to listen to.They have given me a stage name (yayyyyy!!!!I'm part of the crew!!!) which is Johnny Danger.This makes me laugh abundantly.
Laughing is good as is smiling.
Heres a thought.
If you were in bands what would your stage name be?
I will buy the winner a curly wurly and a packet of love hearts.
much love to you all.
sleepy and fat I am.
xxxx

ps.
Tess,dont stress!!
your stalker is silly,even if he has good taste in stalkees.

The Homicidal Maniac You... by xdyingxflamezx
Name
Username
Weapon of Choice	Stapler
Victims per day	349
Your Death	December 14, 2012
Your Death...	Butterfly bit you
Quiz created with MemeGen!

I'm not sure why I keep doing these things but they are kinda cute.....did I say cute?!
I'm supposed to be evil goddamit!!!!

Heres the funny thing....last night I was almost suicidal,today my mood is much lifted and I feel ready for the silly stuff that will probably happen.I'm finishing off some stuff that Nemesis (local band) recorded with me and I'm not even in a bad mood about it!!!
Yay!
The nature of my illness is extremes.One minute I'm filled with a malignant sadness and a belief that I am truly a waste of oxygen,the next I am confident and full of laughs.No middle ground at all.
Manic Deprssion will be with me all my life,but I'm slowly getting used to it.
Much love to you all.I am sorry that I whine.
xx

<td align="center"> John --
[adjective]:

Smells like teen spirit

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com</td>
hahahahahahaaa!!!!!!
smells like garlic and cat more fuckin like.
ah well.....
workin away at my table carving today,starting to look kinda neat,but not how I hoped it would.The real fear is that I may run out of table and what then?The Cupboards?
OK goin to bed,long day tunes tomorrow.
Nite all
xx

OK OK I know.....look its allowed to have off days (nights afternooons months - whatever!!!) so I'm just pleading bad day.
Things always look better after garlic,doooooobies and the prospect of new kittens.I guess its good to realise how small I and all my "problems" really are.I'm doing so much better than I should be.Still tired but I'm through the whiny mopy stage and have just arrived at the giggling phase.Unconsciousness surely must be round the corner.
The bottom line is (and I'm going to type this so's I can read it again when I'm on the downswing) I'm a lucky lucky person to be where I am doing the thing I love doing (and getting fucking well paid for it occasionally) with only a few of the bad habits that I used to have.When I'm down its cos I'm overemotional - not too fashionable for the lord of darkness that I surely am - or because I dwell on things too much - like not being 18 any longer or the length of time I wasted being a fucking nutcase or the fact that my plan to be a rich rock star never QUITE came to fruition.Lets face it I fucking HATED being 18, I LIKE being 32,at least I lived through being a fucking nutcase,and being a rock star would have meant a seriously short life given my taste for barbituates,opiates and various other pills and potions.I'm right where I should be.I BELONG here in my house with my guitars and cats.
There.
See?

been listening to soul coughing all day so tonites wordies are theirs

"When you were languishing in rooms I built to foul you in
And when the wind set down in funnel form and pulled you in

I don’t need to walk around in circles

When the ghostly dust of violence traces everything
And when the gas runs out just wreck it, you insured the thing

But I can’t sigh now that you made the move
It has gone and gone to dogs, lay down on the floor
For the right price I can get everything
Slip into the car, go driving to the farthest star"

how does a breakdown happen?is it like some kind of cerebral car crash that can not be avoided or is it just my weakness at stupid o clock in the morning when I dont know what I'm doing or who I am?does this all sound stupid or is this how everyone feels?
Maybe I'm just tired.
its been a long few weeks,workworkwork,no time to myself.Doing some good worthwhile work that I should be proud of,wish I could share it all with you.
I'm definately tired,all is starlight and moonwash,but the cold keeps me from the river tonite.I love to walk down there,tasting how clean the air is.Another few weeks and I'll be able to.
I'm listening to a lot of music I havent heard since I was 18 or so,makes me kind of dreamy and warm,remembering running away from home when I was 14.
Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.

wordies.

It was bible black in Lyon
When I met the Magdalene
She was paralysed in a street light
She refused to give her name
And a ring of violet bruises
They were pinned upon her arm
200 francs for sanctuary and
She led me by the hand
To a room of dancing shadows
Where all the heartache dissappears
And from the glowing tongues of candles
I heard her whisper in my ear
J'Entente to couer....
(I can hear your heart...)

Goodnite buddies.Hope you are smiling.
xx

Isnt that a great word tho?
Lets ALL say it together....
SNUFFLEUPAGUS!!!!!
if we ALL made a habit of using big beautiful words like that at random,the world would be sweeeeeet.
Can you imagine how HARD it would be to declare war with this rule in place?
"I DECLARE rumbunctious watermelon on your country,infidel rhubarb!!!"
ANYHOOOOOO.....
as you can prolly tell,the mood is a little better than normal.
Hard day passed me by (annas anniversary) and I just talked to her for a while and thought about the last night I saw her.My friend (who I miss horribly and wish would come home) was moving to england and a bunch of us went to have a bunch of beers in her honour,Anna and husband Bob included.Great night,much enjoyment.couple days later,Anna died in her sleep.I was in Dublin and nobody could reach me until later. I lost one of my closest EVER friends,someone to whom I looked up to (there are precious few people to whom I look up).
I feel however,that Anna had a profound effect on me.I'm not a good person in a lot of what I do but Anna kind of kept an eye on me to make sure I was eating,that my drug consumption was not OTT and that I was sleeping and feeling non-suicidal.As a result,I found myself asking myself if Anna would approve of whatever fucking stupid venture I was about to set out upon.
She still has this effect on me.I miss her and will always.
Now,my house is clean,the cats are fed,I'm writing and full of ideas,I've got a big tin of fortnum and masons green earl grey tea and a BIG lump of Minali hash.
If there is anything better,I dont deserve it.
Smiling is good,and doesnt take much effort.(lets face it I'm LAZY!!!)

Paralysed and Thirsty
Lung,state of decay
A taste of Rot on Roses
On breeze of early day
Afternoon brings fever
And sneezing 'midst the flowers
Til evenings deluge quench the flame
In daylights Rotting towers
A softness steals and stills to sleep
The sun,whose waning eye
Sets fire to the western fields
And winks the world goodbye
Life never forgives weakness
And sleep must cloud my eye
Allow the moon to light the way
For lost stars in the sky.

I dont know if this is happy or sad.The meaning will no doubt present itself.
Goodnight and sleep well.
x

nnnnnnghhh
thats the only real noise I can muster.
picture the scene.8 am,out of bed cup of tea brakfast spliff,open front door to take the cool crisp air.....only to be greeted by a year old cat sitting on my front step bleeding.at first I thought moses had finally bought it but no! this cat is a stranger.got her inside and only close inspection,she has been attacked by something doglike,gouged fairly badly,but not fatally.my buddy janine called round and helped me clean her up a little.now shes sitting on the jacket of my ex house mate who left clothes here.I must say I take great delight in using his clothes for pissrags and cat beds.
So,it seems I have more company for christmas.Happy Days!
All silent on the music front,I'm too depressed to care.
Gah!!! I'll write more when I'm in a better mood.

Good day but bad day.
Good day cos I sorted out my control room once and for all today and bad day cos I fell out with maceo my main cat.Ahhhhh!!!cleaning out the live room and discovered she'd been using the area behind the drums as a latrine for the last few days.So,as usual,I shout and rub her face in it and then feel bad.
Alls good now,shes sitting on her fave cushion beside me purring away.I can tell that shes eyeing up the high up cupboard (missing a door) and shes planning to get up in there sooner or later.Cheeky monkey!!!
Recording session tomorrow with entity,be interesting to see how the new control room works out.planning to do one song "reign of pain" or as I call it,"golden shower of agony".More XF11 on tuesday,they're actually starting to sound like a band.I should explain,they are a rock band from the sprawling metropolis of castlederg and they THINK they sound like def leppard.In fact its more like early 80s Bryan Adams played badly.They are also old enough to know better.However at least they are having a go.
Also going to make a start on the collective CD for christmas,Nemesis are interested as are several other young bands.Should be interesting.
Signing off now I have to spend a couple of hours apologising to my cat.
Selah.

Well,today saw the return of my two favorite madmen,the Urban Spacemen.
This prolly means nothing to any of you (0) people who are reading but I'll explain.....
These 2 guys are FULLY BLOWN paranoid schizophrenics ( is it any wonder we get on?) who record heavy dub reggae or blues or random freakout noise with me occasionally.
One just got out of hospital recently and seems more happy than I've seen him in ages and the other is circling the airport as usual.
4 tunes recorded,1 with vocals,a kind of wierd anti government rasta/raver rap thing.
oh my poor head.
worthwhile but FUCKING STRESSFUL!!!!!
Then went for beer with one of my favorite people, my tattooist janine.
Ah,the black glass of vitamins that is my saviour and my friend.
forget the hype folks,drink guinness.
do it now and feel the health.
Also thanx to my wee pet,darkelfqueen for addin me to her friend list,I'm new at this shit and its good to have one of my closest buddies EVER here.
believe it hunny bunny,you are sorely missed.
You engish people better treat her nice,she has some EVIL friends.
Anyhoooooo,best get back to ignoring the bill and listeneing to old demos.

If anyone has any demos of bands from their local area that they would like to send me,please leave me a message and I'll give you an address.I collect em.
The sillier or worse the are,the better I'll like em.
Selah my friends.